she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
