Plan B is the new Plan A
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize