I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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