dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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