Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize