Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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