I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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