my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
