Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found puke in my bra..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize