Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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