Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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