So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
