I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize