I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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