he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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