eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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