Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
