And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
