We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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