No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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