JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
