Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
