Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
