wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
