Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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