Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
