GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
