You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
