Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
