Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
