highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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