I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize