After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
