I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
