we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
