gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
