and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
