The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
