Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
