He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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