okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize