so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
