So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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