why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Never joke about your clitoris.
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