U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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