dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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