I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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