My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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