Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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