Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
