Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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