Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
