yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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