it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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