I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
