I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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