porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
