Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What drink are we having for lunch?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
