Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
