The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
