States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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