I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ok first of all what the fuck
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
