Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
