I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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