Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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