From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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