u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
