she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Operation Purity has been aborted
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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