R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
